Halle Berry’s Razzie for Catwoman was eclipsed in the previous year
by the romantic comedy Gigli, the clumsy gooeyness of which elicited a
response similar to accidentally finding used gum on the recliner button
of a plane seat when one is wedged between two morbidly obese
hideossifications. Starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, it won six Razzies: Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Actress, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, and Worst Screen Couple. It is therefore surprising to discover that Affleck’s greatest shame is not Gigli, but rather I Killed My Lesbian Wife, Hung Her on a Meat Hook, and Now I Have a Three-Picture Deal With Disney, a short that marked his directorial debut. Granted, the name alone would make anyone wanting to be taken seriously to hang themselves on a meathook, but Affleck did not hold back on the self-castigation: “It’s horrible. It’s atrocious. I knew I wanted to be a director, and I did a couple of short films, and this is the only one that haunts me. I’m not proud of it…It looks like it was made by someone who has no prospects, no promise.” Ah Ben, don’t be so hard on yourself: It only took 10 short years for your mediocrity to be recognized.
Matthew Goode on Leap Year (2010)
The most recent movie on this list, Leap Year is a romantic comedy
that should be skipped not just every four years, but perhaps altogether
– at least if one listens to its star Matthew Goode. He famously dismissed
his most recent film as “turgid”, a Latinate adjective often employed
by Churchill which means “turd with the letters gi rammed in there”.
Goode only accepted the role due to his reticence to film in Los
Angeles: “It wasn’t because of the script, trust me.” Goode despises
talking about films he knows “aren’t brilliant” and is not shy to voice
his personal opinions of them: he admits that he thought his prior film,
A Single Man, was “banal”. All too happy to accept that Leap Year
wasn’t all that good(e), he predicted, “‘I just know that there are a
lot of people who will say it is the worst film of 2010.”
Mel Gibson on Summer City (1977)
In A Single Man, Matthew Goode, who is ostensibly heterosexual, took
on the role of a homosexual character. As an actor, this did not shake
him at all, but this is not the case for Mel Gibson, who made notorious
for his alcohol-induced anti Semitic spiel. The normally uncompromising
Gibson is allegedly ashamed
by his first onscreen kiss – a homosexual one – in his debut film,
Summer City. The film was made as part of his graduation from the
Australian National Institute of Dramatic Art, and Gibson described it
as “a cheap, nasty movie that was cranked out in three weeks on a tiny
budget.” But Mel could not have hated the scene that much – he later
worked with the kissee Steve Bisley on two other feature films.
Nicole Kidman on Australia (2009)
Another expatriate Australian, Nicole Kidman, wasunimpressed with her performance in Baz Luhrmann’s Australia. The intended epic, which runs for 3 hours, ended up epically failing. Kidman revealed to Australian newspapers that she “squirmed” during the premiere and said to her husband Keith Urban, “I can’t look at this movie and be proud of what I’ve done”. However, this proved to be another case of the media favoring the sensational soundbyte over veracity – it was not the film that caused her anguish, but rather the fact that she cannot bear watching herself onscreen. And apart from her (ob)scene in Eyes Wide Shut, neither can we.
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